You know how you can be somewhere, sitting around a table, and the topic of ‘what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you’ comes up?
I don’t jump in first.
I let a few people go before me.
In fact, I let someone say to me, ‘Hey TJ? We have not heard from you.’
The reason I do not jump in first and wait for someone to ask for mine is that I like to be humble.
I know that mine will win.
I know that mine will leave people saying, ‘That is hard to beat.’
Haha.
It is.
I think it will always be.
I have been through the five stages of grief over it.
I am at ‘Acceptance’ now.
In fact, more than acceptance.
I own it.
Okay, it has a little to do with cycling, but really not much.
I lived in this great little building.
There were only six suites.
Everyone in the building was fantastic.
My neighbours, Brenda and Jim, were wonderful.
They would have me over to their place all the time.
It was so nice to feel like you had been out, but really all you did was leave your door and go in the door next door.
They knew I was not much of a phone guy.
I did not take my phone on my rides.
So, the invitations would come as a ‘Post-it’ on my door.
‘Come over for a drink when you return from your ride.’
I went every time.
It was the perfect way to end a ride.
They are wonderful company.
One beautiful Saturday afternoon, I got back from my ride.
I knew before I rounded the corner that there would be a ‘Post-it’ on the door.
Sure enough, there was.
I cleaned up and headed over.
We sat at their counter.
Jim poured me a beer, and the fun began.
In the centre of the counter sat a ‘Snack Dish.’
It was a rectangle with eight squares in it.
Brenda had put eight different snacks into each square.
Nuts, chips, olives, that kind of thing.
Cut to an hour later.
It is four o’clock, I am on my third beer, and the squares in the rectangle tray are all empty.
…Except for one.
It was rather full.
Oh man, here it comes.
So, I reach my hand over and grab a ‘few’ and put them in my mouth.
Then three things went off at the same time in my head.
#1 Why are they looking at me with startled eyes?
#2 Why does it feel like I just put five stones in my mouth?
#3 OMFG, I am eating Olive PITS!
Stop here, and don’t read any further.
Let it sink in.
Visualize it.
What are my options?
They know what I just did.
They watched me pick up Olive Pits and put them in my mouth.
They are staring at me.
They are waiting to see what I am going to do.
They are in shock.
Sidenote: umm, keep in mind these are ‘communal’ olive pits.
There is no effing way I can escape from this.
I have to get rid of them.
I picked up my napkin and, ‘very demure,’ put it up to my mouth and casually removed them.
They were still staring at me.
I think I said, ‘OMFG, I just did that, didn’t I?’
I remember them nodding.
It kind of goes into a dreamy-foggy blur at this point.
But, and a great but.
It turned into laughter.
Like laughter on another level.
The kind of laughter that reaches a peak, ends, and then becomes just as funny again.
It had a couple of ‘cycles.’
I still got the ‘Post-its.’
I still went over countless times.
Brenda puts out a separate dish for the ‘pits.’
She points to it, we laugh and laugh just as hard.
In the beginning, I wanted to die.
Like, go away, lock my door, and hide.
But now, I share it.
I share it proudly.
I own it.
It is a good one, eh?
‘THE PITS!’
Insert spiral eyes emoji here.
‘There is another way to ride.’